Monkey #2 has "non verbal learning disorder", which means he doesn't learn non verbal things - anything visual. I didn't know that at the time, he was diagnosed at 6 years.
He had no interest in pictures in stories and wanted me to make up stories. He doesn't know if someone is happy, proud, disappointed . In his world the world thinks, feels and believes whatever he is thinking, feeling, saying etc. This is known as an undeveloped sense of mind. You could cheer him on all you wanted - no effect. I sensed this back then but didn't understand.
It took a while to train him. And he only had to pee if he said so. Very frustrating. I had to make him want to. Then I had to get him to empty his whole bladder cuz he'd drop a squirt to get what he wanted then pee his pants minutes later. And with no sense of social norms he didn't care.
Treats and peeing on Cheerios was a big thing. He was trained by 2.5 with LOTS of persistence. Problem was I had to then train him to do so without one. Cuz you don't want to be giving kid rewards forever. His teachers aren't going to either.
Then at age 4 he decided playing trumped peeing. He also started to pee anywhere. At that point we were talking wilful disobedience. And yes he got in trouble for that. I know today's advice says not to. And yeah, don't punish a toddler. But if your 4 year old refuses to pee in the toilet you need to respond how you normally would for disobedience.
Now most kids aren't in Monkey 2's shoes. But most kids would rather play then take the time to pee. And toddlers also have an undeveloped sense of mind, difference is theirs is developing.
School was hard. I had to explain to his teachers they would need to insist he pee before recess. The teachers would good about this till grade 3. At that point he was diagnosed, he had an iep explaining his disorder. But he had that teqchwr that is the epitome if the worst teacher. After school accidents at age 8, the vice principal stepped in. But the teacher made that a point of ridicule. I pulled him and his siblings at that point and homeschooled.
Patience, insistence, creativity, trying things I normally wouldn't, sympathy and discipline were the keys to potty training Monkey 2...,they were the jeys to everything with him actually. I think the thing that was hardest was the years and fears if him being ridiculed if I couldn't fully train him. And the tears through those early school years. He didn't care cuz if he said he didn't pee his pants, in his mind everyone believed that. Interestingly a year into homeschooling he was peeping like most kids his age...mostly, don't see a movie in the theatre with him cuz he takes 3 trips in 15 min till all the pee is oyr unleas you say "go back and pee till your bladder is empty".
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