potty training: it's OK to try again later

So my lil Monkey is nearing potty training age.  He will be 16 months on the 28th.  The training pants (monkey undies) are made and in progress of making more.  Potty training plans are in place.  We are practicing in the mornings.  But he isn't ready yet.

How do I know he isn't ready yet?  Well little clues.  The main one being when he peed on the floor yesterday he didn't seem all that aware.  He isn't in anyway fascinated by the pee he gets in the potty either.  His potty success is entirely based on my timing.

There are signs we are getting close though.  He tries to pull off diaper or undies if he poops.  He likes flushing the toilet when I dump his potty.  This is awesome as it scares a few toddlers.  He isn't resistant to my attempts.

So what path do I take?  I am getting him on the potty in the morning.  I am not pushing.  If he is done I encourage one more try then let it go.  When he gets undies wet I show him, touch it.  Tell him he had a pee.  And it would be fun if he gets his pee in the potty.  I am not holding high expectations.  I will keep looking for readiness every 7-10 days.  I do not want to miss that window! I also do not want to frustrate h.  It can be a careful balance.

Potty training #4; potty fear and losing the window

Potty training #4 started easy.  I thought he would be the youngest one trained.  He was a talker which made things easy and he had siblings using the potty.  Cocoa puffs was his little hero and he followed her everywhere.  He started at 16 months.  By 18 months he was pretty much day trained but occasionally needed a reminder.  He was also using the big toilet.  He was nervous about the big toilet and wanted me to hold both his hands.  I was OK with this.  It had been a smooth easy ride.

Then one day I was helping my dad and left the kids with their dad (I was married to a real arse at the time).  I told him about monkey #4, that he was nervous so please hold his hands and reassure him he would not fall into the toilet.  You'd think a dad would know this, but that's how little time he actually spent with us.

According to my daughters he was busy playing video games and told  Monkey 4 not to be a pussy and just go sit on the toilet.  Cocoa puffs went with him.  She was 3.5 and tiny, she was smaller then monkey 4.  He fell in the potty and Cocoa puffs couldn't get him out.

I came home to him still in tears.  He wouldn't sit on a toilet or potty.  There was a lot of tears and eventually I said he would need to go back in diapers and we would re learn when he was a little bigger.  By 2 I was trying again but we had missed the window.  He seemed to be completly un concerned.  By 2.5 we were still at it and failing.  At my wits end I started saying it was unacceptable.  Diapers are for babies.  And I gave all potty trained kids a treat at the end of the day for a day with out paccidents.  That worked and he trained with in the week.

I wish I had never left him with his dad.  I wish I had gently  insisted he face the fear and use the potty.  Missing the window was a nightmare and frustrating for us both.

Potty Training #3: older siblings and night training lesson for mom

I have to admit, Monkey #3 was so easy, and I'm not sure I get to take the credit lol.  Monkey 3 is affectionately known as cocoa  puffs.  And with her I had the benefit of two siblings using the potty, and (due to #2) always saying, go pee!  She trained watching her siblings.  Mostly monkey 2.  Cocoa puffs and him were a riot together.

She was super short and needed a step to get to the potty but she didn't like it cuz her sibs used the toilet.  Mostly she climbed up on the potty to get to the toilet.  I always always sure she would fall in.  She didn't.  She did however decide she should pee like a boy lol.  And somehow it worked, and girl had aim.  She day trained really quickly.
She did not night train though till almost a year later when at 2.5 I found a very tiny potty and put it in her bedroom by the night light.  Tiny kid had a tiny bladder, and fear of walking out if her room at night.  The potty in her room fixed the issue in one night.

When lil Monkey is ready to night train I will keep one in his room.  Because of monkey 2, doing so with his brothers wasn't feasible.  Also after dinner night trainers and young children in my house only have sips of water or a very quick nursing just to wet their whistle.  I don't allow drinks in bedrooms, which helps the three year old plays for water when bed time refusal kicks in.  Night training is easier when nursing is over but it can iccur while still nursing.

I should have thought of a solution sooner (cuz hind sight is 20/ 20).  Let kids have what they need to potty train, and make use of siblings.  They are sometimes the greatest teachers.

Potty training #2: intellectual disabilities & (later) regression.

Monkey #2 has "non verbal learning disorder", which means he doesn't learn non verbal things - anything visual.  I didn't know that at the time, he was diagnosed at 6 years.

He had no interest in pictures in stories and wanted me to make up stories.  He doesn't know if someone is happy, proud, disappointed .  In his world the world thinks, feels and believes whatever he is thinking, feeling, saying etc.  This is known as an undeveloped sense of mind.  You could cheer him on all you wanted - no effect.  I sensed this back then but didn't understand.

It took a while to train him.  And he only had to pee if he said so.  Very frustrating.  I had to make him want to.  Then I had to get him to empty his whole bladder cuz he'd drop a squirt to get what he wanted then pee his pants minutes later.  And with no sense of social norms he didn't care.

Treats and peeing on Cheerios was a big thing.  He was trained by 2.5 with LOTS of persistence.   Problem was I had to then train him to do so without one.  Cuz you don't want to be giving  kid rewards forever.  His teachers aren't going to either.

Then at age 4 he decided playing trumped peeing.  He also started to pee anywhere.  At that point we were talking wilful disobedience.  And yes he got in trouble for that.  I know today's advice says not to.  And yeah, don't punish a toddler.  But if your 4 year old refuses to pee in the toilet you need to respond how you normally would for disobedience.

Now most kids aren't in Monkey 2's shoes.  But most kids would rather play then take the time to pee.  And toddlers also have an undeveloped sense of mind, difference is theirs is developing.

School was hard.  I had to explain to his teachers they would need to insist he pee before recess.  The teachers would good about this till grade 3.  At that point he was diagnosed, he had an iep explaining his disorder.  But he had that teqchwr that is the epitome if the worst teacher.  After school accidents at age 8, the vice principal stepped in.  But the teacher made that a point of ridicule.  I pulled him and his siblings at that point and homeschooled.

Patience, insistence, creativity, trying things I normally wouldn't, sympathy and discipline were the keys to potty training Monkey 2...,they were the jeys to everything with him actually.   I think the thing that was hardest was the years and fears if him being ridiculed if I couldn't fully train him.  And the tears through those early school years.  He didn't care cuz if he said he didn't pee his pants, in his mind everyone believed that.  Interestingly a year into homeschooling he was peeping like most kids his age...mostly, don't see a movie in the theatre with him cuz he takes 3 trips in 15 min till all the pee is oyr unleas you say "go back and pee till your bladder is empty".

Potty Training #1: parents on the same page.

The first 2 months of trying to potty train my oldest (Monkey #1) was a nightmare!  Her dad and I had separated.  The problem was we weren't on the same parenting page.  My house was nursing or open cup .  His house was sippy cups.  And this is part of why I loath them lol.  A kid on a sippy cup runs around with it all day like a bottle whose nipple has a nip on.  Thats a lot of fluids!  And it made potty training impossible.  He had a potty, I had a seat for his toilet.  It went on and on.

I called his mom, cuz men love mommy who always knows best, eapecially compared to the ex.

His mom had good potty advice.  So since her advice wasn't insane I called him.  I told him he should ask his mom tips on potty training and then let me know.  He did and we agreed. Then I said I'd start and return her to him in two weeks but he had to meet me at McDonald's with her to start my visit with every single last sippy cup. We wete buying her first happy meal now that she was to big for sippy cups.

She arrived at his place day trained 2 weeks later, and two more weeks she was night trained.

Moms and dads do things different.  This is true for parents together or apart.  For some thibgs it makes no difference.  But somethings have got to be the same.  And if your toddler has a sippy cup or bottle, I highly recommend they only be allowed at the kitchen/dinning room table.

6 Babes and they all potty trained different.

I have 6 children.  That's a lot of cloth diapers and a lot of potty training.  And they were all different.  So I'm going to try and do a post on each and link them here.

Monkey 1: parenting on the same page.  Link
Monkey 2: special needs, regression. Link
Monkey 3: that was easy!
Link
Monkey 4: potty fear.

Monkey 5: monster in-laws.